Wondering when I'll see...

There is a point in movies where the protagonist has a revelation about their life. Once such revelation is past they go on to fulfill their dreams and desires. I have had many of these, too many to count. I'm starting to feel revelationed-out...

I always wonder if this one will be the one. The true one that makes me change. The one that I hold myself to because I believe it so much.

Yes this is about my writing or lack of writing. Every day I write story after story in my head, but I fail to put them down on paper. The other day I wrote a script for my class at school it felt good to write and I enjoyed it. It turned out okay too.

Then I had to finish a longer script for the drama competition. I was dreading it the most. I was scared I would sit down and nothing would come out. I started with the title... No problem there. The setting... Easy. The characters... Okay not to bad.

I tentatively typed the first characters name. There it was a line came in my head. Then the next and the next. My familiar style of dialogue with a bit of arguing. This is what I know. This is what I can do.

I suddenly realized that I was almost finished and I had to wrap it up. I was amazed at the final product. Sure it might not win a tony, but it is perfect for my kids :).

I still am waiting though for my revelation. We'll see I guess, I am always hopefully after writing something. I just need to keep doing it...

Raining Dogs

Ever since I looked at the ARK website I can't get all the images of dogs out of my head. I fell in love with a spitz, but another family inquired about him and I may not get him. Now I'm looking for other dogs and there is too many. I'm getting overwhelmed and time of course is always short for these poor animals. There is one dog who has a bad eye that is at the same shelter as the spitz. I can't afford her, but the people seem excited at the prospect of me taking her. There are jindo mixes that I would love, but now there are too many options. I just wanted the spitz.

Now I feel terrible that I can't save them all. I hate this helpless feeling. It kept me up most of the night. Maybe it could be my own selfishness. I wanted a dog to make me happy, but now I just feel hopeless. Yes, I wanted to be happy, but I also wanted something to love and to give a home to where they could feel safe and secure. I can afford a dog. I live by a clinic so I have no excuses.

But there are just too many. I might go to a shelter next weekend and volunteer. Hopefully in the next few weeks I can welcome in a new member of my family. Right now it is just too much and they all are running out of time.

Why do I teach?

I always do this to myself. I take a job just hoping it will lead to the next bigger and better job. That is why I came to Korea. It was a decent paying job and it was a paid trip to go to another country. I was going to pay off my loans in two years and then go into grad school and get more loans...

I never expected to love teaching here so much. My first job wasn't so bad... It was a lot of stress and the kids were a bit high strung, but it wasn't all bad.

At my new job I'm teaching the age that I want to teach and I love the kids. They say the funniest things. Today they had to do a role play about Hansel and Gretel, but in the book it was about the seasons. It was a bit odd for Hansel and Gretel to talk about the seasons, after all weren't they supposed to be lost in the woods? One of the groups got up and the the boy who played Gretel (yes a boy :) ) asked the boy who played Hansel, "What season is it?" and the boy looked at at Gretel and said, "Why are you asking me this? We are lost!" hahaha.

I have some of my favorite classes on Tuesdays. I will admit that I do like the 5th grade more, and I hope that if I stay another year they won't get the 6th grade attitude... All I can do it hope. They have so much fun with everything. I love trying to think of new games to get them up and moving and excited.

Bit by bit I'm finding more joy, giving more love, and laughing along the way. I love it here. I don't know if I will be able to leave.

Three Days

I just got back from three days of training. Some of it was pretty basic but there were some great ideas for teaching. Even though I was annoyed at first that I would have to go away for three days it was worth it. Meeting the people in your community and making those connections with others is one of the best things about these retreats.

It is always interesting to hear other peoples stories and where they are in their walks of life. We all have different reasons to come to Korea. I always am amazed at how our lives cross paths with others. It is also weird to think that if I never came I would never have meet these people. The land of If Only...

Anyway the blossoms are out and I have a few lessons that I have to find out about... It is either that or a nap and I'm pretty sure I know which one will win.

Getting past myself

Korea has been a healing place for me. Last year I came to Korea to get away and over time I healed.

This year I'm trying to get past myself again. Only it has to do with being healthy. I'm in love with the wrong kinds of food and it isn't that I don't love healthy food... I love all food, but I made cheaper food choices and now I'm paying for it.

It is hard for me to change what I eat so I'm trying to eat less.... trying. It doesn't always work, but all I can do is try. I also exercise this year, hopefully I can make it more than 15 minutes in the future, but it is all about baby steps and that is what I did last year. It take time, hopefully this time in Korea I better myself so I can not just live longer, but enjoy the life I am living.

Lazy Day

It isn't that I don't have anything to do... It is that I just don't do it. I am still amazed that I have about four hours everyday during work in which I just sit and do nothing. I guess that only fuels my anger towards myself. I could be working on the dusty pages of many books that I have started. I could be searching for more options for Grad schools. I could be reading...

Instead I get wrapped up in old episodes of Friends that I have seen many times. Living through their fake lives and ignoring my own.

Don't get me wrong. Traveling it my number one goal and I'm doing that, but I could be doing more.

I often wonder if this what separates those who get their dreams and those who settle. I always thought I was one to reach for the stars, but now I'm not so sure.